God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."



Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river,
and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said,


"What's a headache"?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
environmental encounters:

> While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann,
> listened to the instructor declare, " It is essential that husbands and
> wives know the things that are important to each other."

> He addressed the men, " Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
> flower?"

> Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered,
> "Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?

> And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on stress management.

He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?"
The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500gm.
"It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, it is OK.
If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance.
It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on; the burden becomes increasingly heavier."

"What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again."

We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So before you return home from work tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it back home You can pick it up tomorrow.
-OR -
Whatever burden you have now on your shoulders, put it down for a moment, if you can.

Pick it up again later when you have rested..

Rest and relax.

Life is short, enjoy it!!

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look
good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that
can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing
worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If you can't be kind, at least have the
decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see
that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the
same time, because then you don't
have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird,
so sleep late.

When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you; the more
you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty, some
are dull, some have weird names, and
all are different colors but they all
have to learn to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can
enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Have an awesome day, and know that
someone has thought about you today.... Jonathan.White@nhtsa.dot.gov <Jonathan.White@nhtsa.dot.gov>

Baptist Dog

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever

mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.

They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally,

they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they

wanted.

The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch

the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.

The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor

and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible

verses. The visitors were very impressed.

One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?"

"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied.

He pointed his finger at the dog.

"HEEL!" the pastor commanded.

The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the

pastor's forehead and began to howl.

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"

Thanks, Stormy.

With so much fighting, arguing, and tension in the world,
its good to have someone remind us of ...

The Lighter Side!


Self-insight and Laughter are great healers.




Sherlock

Timmy was a little five year old boy whose Mom loved him very
much. Being a worrier, she was concerned about his walking to school
when he started Kindergarten.
She walked with him the first few days, but he came home one day
telling her he did not want her walking him to school every day. He
wanted to be like "big boys." He protested so loudly that she had to
find another way to handle it.

She asked here neighbor Marcy if she would surreptitiously follow
her son to school at a distance, but close enough to keep a watch on
him. Marcy said that, since she was up early with her toddler anyway,
it would be a good way for them to get some exercise so she agreed.

The next school day, Marcy and her little girl set out behind
Timmy as he walked to school with his friend Ronnie. This went on for a
whole week.

Timmy's friend noticed that this same lady was following them
every day. Finally Ronnie asked Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady
following us all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know who she
is."

Ronnie asked, "Well, who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodness an' her little girl Marcy," Timmy
said.

Ronnie inquired further, "Well, why does she follow us every day
like that?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night Momma makes me say the 23rd
Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the
prayer says, 'Shirley Goodness and Marcy shall follow me all the days of
my life.' .So, I guess I'll just have to get used to it."

A cat died and went to Heaven.

God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for all these years. Anything you want
is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all
went to heaven together.

God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer he made
to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs,
cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some
little roller skates, we'd never have to run again."

God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow
is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending
over are delicious!"